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The Rope Type Sideways Stare

Some thoughts on rope types.

I remember my very first rope kit.  The stock &  real estate markets had just tumbled,  I had just been laid off,  and I was broke.

After my first weekend in a public dungeon talking with people in the community,  leaning some safety,  and practicing a few ties with some rope someone let me borrow,  I was super excited to get my own.

I wanted the best and as much of it as I could get,  because after all,  having more rope means you can do more things with it,  right?

So I began searching online for ‘bondage rope’  and came across a few people selling it,  mostly outside of the US, and damn it was expensive,  $300-$400 for 8 pieces plus international shipping.  Well shit,  that’s wasn’t going to work.  So I started looking for other options.  What I found was cotton rope. Awesome!  They sell that at Wal-Mart,  and off I went.  I came back with a $6 spool of cotton clothes line.  Yep,  my first ‘rope kit’.

It’s been more than a hand full of years since I wore that cloths line out and my journey has taken many twists since then.

From that cotton clothes line,  I have used hemp,  nylon,  paracord,  synthetic natural fibers, silk scarves,  neck ties, shoe strings and I’ve heard of and seen people use fishing line.

 

 

Personally,  I love the weight and feel of Jute in my hand when I tie,  Giggles likes the feel of it on her skin more than anything else we have used,  so that’s what we stick with.

I have noticed more and more,  people who use rope other than Jute,  are sometimes (not always)  looked at sideways,  if it’s hemp,  nylon,  or cotton.  When  I attend classes or intensive,  I see the almost palpable under eyebrow stares.  ‘What are they thinking bringing (hemp,  nylon,  cotton)  rope to this class?  Don’t they know this is Japanese Bondage,  and that the only right way is with Jute Rope.  Wow’.

Just jute rope huh,  hmm.  Yeah,  don’t get me wrong, I have what I like,  I am in the fortunate position that I make rope,  it’s kind of nice when people buy it, but….  ‘use what you like,  use what your partner likes,  use what you want,  use what makes you happy.’

What does it matter,  Why do people care what type of rope you use,  are you and your partner having fun? ,  yes! Than fuck it.

I say that with one important caveat,  use what makes you happy,  but know the limits &  capabilities of what you like can and can’t do.  Doing only floor work with no attachment points with 25lb breaking strength cotton clothes line?  Cool!  Doing a multiple person suspension from a bridge over a gorge in the middle of the Himalayas?  Not so cool.  Know safety,  use a little common sense,  and go for it! Do what makes you happy!

And of course if Jute Rope happens to make you happy….. Check out our Beginner Rope Kits,  kits in Fox-Blood Red,   Original Sensually Bound Jute Rope KitsRaw Rope ,  and our Custom Rope Kits or just pick up a single piece.

SenBound

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Start of the Journey

The start of the Journey

 

Many people have asked me, ‘what got me started’  in ,  and many of you have heard the story…..

‘You’re going to hang me from the ceiling by my feet’…..

So I won’t bore you guys with all the details again,  but if you are ever ,  just ask and I will be glad to bore you to death 😉

I make reference to a video in that story that I watched afterwards,  WykD_Dave & Clover performance from the London Festival in 2011.

The one that really got all of my ‘juices’  going,  yeah,  that…. That right there ,  I want to be able to do that.

I watched it again today and it made me feel the same way it did almost 8 years ago the first time I saw .  So I thought I would share it with you guys.

WykD_Dave &  Clover –  London Festival of the Art of Japanese Rope Bondage 2011

Enjoy

SenBound

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Something about Ego in Bondage

#BearCave

Ego –  #BearCave #freshlyspun 

Who has an ego in rope bondage?  Everyone.

So,  I really want to rewrite this to make it a little less…. ‘businesses-y’ and  more bondage focused. I just haven’t had the change yet .  So stay tuned for updates!

Ego is defined as a person’s sense of self-esteem or self-importance. We know self-esteem plays a major part in our success / progress. Whether we are starting our rope journey or we have been doing this for decades, the belief we have in our ability to achieve success is deemed as a main contributing factor. We need to believe in ourselves to succeed / progress. But when does our sense of self-importance get in the way of our progress? Does it prevent us from connecting with other people, creating goals to get to the next level or keeping up and learning a new skill?

 

In my journey , giggles &  I have worked with very successful tops & bottoms to identify and overcome obstacles, both on the rope side of life  and the people side, obstacles that get in the way of their continued progress & success. I read a book recently called “Ego is the Enemy” by Ryan Holiday, which focuses on the definition of ego being “an unhealthy belief in our own importance; arrogance.” For anyone experiencing a roadblock in front of their next level of success, the book offers some tough love to think about.

 

  1. Silence can breed accomplishment.
    When we talk about all the amazing things we’re going to do next, it’s possible to spend all our time and energy just talking about it and never actually doing anything towards that goal. “hey I just had the worst/best idea ever!”,  “I’m going to make it on K&P 10 times this month”, “ I’m going to practice every night”, “I’m going to start doing 9 suspension scenes a night in the dungeon”, “ I’m taking every class at FIRE”, ….. And then “ I’m gonna do this, and I’m gonna do this and I’m gonna do that,  I want a hamburger, no a cheeseburger, I want a hot dog, no a chili dog, I want a coke….. ”

Talking makes us feel like we’re making progress towards the goal. Does this ring a bell for anyone? How are your new year’s resolutions going for you? We all have big goals, and they are hard and scary, so it’s natural that we want to do everything except what we need to do. If we stop talking about them and focus our energy and wrestle with the actions, we might move forward.

 

  1. Is it about the doing or the recognition?
    Often times we fall in love with the image of what success looks like, but what we need to do to get there is usually not so glamorous. We should ask ourselves: what is our purpose? What do we want to accomplish? Will I be more “fulfilled”,  if I just do this, or does everyone have to know I did this? Think of all of the anonymous donations to charities and hospitals. They don’t need to scream it from the rooftops, they just do it.

 

  1. Become a student.
    Ego can prevent us from continuing to learn and improve by making us believe we don’t need to. Learning a technical or soft skill, in the rope community or not, allows us to continue to evolve. You can’t get better if you think you are the best. Learning something new is hard, humbling, and puts our ego in check. If rope brought you Into this community, try to learn something different like fire play, or knife play,  wax play, or how to target with a single tail. Stepping out of our comfort zone to learn something new or be open to constructive criticism and even failure is the embodiment of getting out of our comfort zone which will only make us better people.

 

  1. Getting out of your own head.
    If ego is confidence, it can get in the way of our ability to learn and make positive decisions. Ego tells us the world is looking at us. In our social media driven society,  read ‘fetlife, Twitter, instagram’ , where the more “likes/loves” we get the more important we feel, it’s easy to be paralyzed by your next decision. Ever heard of “K&P”? Are we too concerned about how many “loves” and views our posts, photos, blog, podcasts or whatever,  get; to live in the now? Are we too in love with the vision of our self that prevents us from what we need to do? To make the necessary decisions & sacrifices to reach our goals?

 

  1. Hard Work.
    While we should always be cognizant of the difference between being busy and work, there is no substitute for hard work. Work doesn’t end once we get our first big break (being asked to perform,  or teach, or travel or whatever); some might say that’s when the real work starts. Ego is what counts the hours & effort we’ve put into something and asks “hey, hey, when am I going to see the fruits of our labor.”  This journey, if you are serious about it, is a lifelong journey whose light cannot dim once we achieved some success; there, right there, is where we fall in to the grip of ego.

 

I never recognized the roadblock described above as a symptom of my own arrogance. In fact, like a lot of people I work really hard to build my confidence and believe that I can actually be successful. But in my own self-reflection, I realized much of that might be holding me back from accomplishing my goals and doing bigger things. What has been your experience walking the thin line of earned confidence and ego? How do you know when you’re being confident or arrogant?

Individual egos vary wildly.  With that, the approach to how we leverage our ego varies wildly, too. When experiencing a roadblock to what’s “next,” and there is no real black or white reasoning as to why, perhaps a review of these five elements can help determine if your ego is getting in your way.