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Start of the Journey

The start of the Journey


Many people have asked me, ‘what got me started’  in ,  and many of you have heard the story…..

‘You’re going to hang me from the ceiling by my feet’…..

So I won’t bore you guys with all the details again,  but if you are ever ,  just ask and I will be glad to bore you to death 😉

I make reference to a video in that story that I watched afterwards,  WykD_Dave & Clover performance from the London Festival in 2011.

The one that really got all of my ‘juices’  going,  yeah,  that…. That right there ,  I want to be able to do that.

I watched it again today and it made me feel the same way it did almost 8 years ago the first time I saw .  So I thought I would share it with you guys.

WykD_Dave &  Clover –  London Festival of the Art of Japanese Rope Bondage 2011



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Something about Ego in Bondage


Ego –  #BearCave #freshlyspun 

Who has an ego in rope bondage?  Everyone.

So,  I really want to rewrite this to make it a little less…. ‘businesses-y’ and  more bondage focused. I just haven’t had the change yet .  So stay tuned for updates!

Ego is defined as a person’s sense of self-esteem or self-importance. We know self-esteem plays a major part in our success / progress. Whether we are starting our rope journey or we have been doing this for decades, the belief we have in our ability to achieve success is deemed as a main contributing factor. We need to believe in ourselves to succeed / progress. But when does our sense of self-importance get in the way of our progress? Does it prevent us from connecting with other people, creating goals to get to the next level or keeping up and learning a new skill?


In my journey , giggles &  I have worked with very successful tops & bottoms to identify and overcome obstacles, both on the rope side of life  and the people side, obstacles that get in the way of their continued progress & success. I read a book recently called “Ego is the Enemy” by Ryan Holiday, which focuses on the definition of ego being “an unhealthy belief in our own importance; arrogance.” For anyone experiencing a roadblock in front of their next level of success, the book offers some tough love to think about.


  1. Silence can breed accomplishment.
    When we talk about all the amazing things we’re going to do next, it’s possible to spend all our time and energy just talking about it and never actually doing anything towards that goal. “hey I just had the worst/best idea ever!”,  “I’m going to make it on K&P 10 times this month”, “ I’m going to practice every night”, “I’m going to start doing 9 suspension scenes a night in the dungeon”, “ I’m taking every class at FIRE”, ….. And then “ I’m gonna do this, and I’m gonna do this and I’m gonna do that,  I want a hamburger, no a cheeseburger, I want a hot dog, no a chili dog, I want a coke….. ”

Talking makes us feel like we’re making progress towards the goal. Does this ring a bell for anyone? How are your new year’s resolutions going for you? We all have big goals, and they are hard and scary, so it’s natural that we want to do everything except what we need to do. If we stop talking about them and focus our energy and wrestle with the actions, we might move forward.


  1. Is it about the doing or the recognition?
    Often times we fall in love with the image of what success looks like, but what we need to do to get there is usually not so glamorous. We should ask ourselves: what is our purpose? What do we want to accomplish? Will I be more “fulfilled”,  if I just do this, or does everyone have to know I did this? Think of all of the anonymous donations to charities and hospitals. They don’t need to scream it from the rooftops, they just do it.


  1. Become a student.
    Ego can prevent us from continuing to learn and improve by making us believe we don’t need to. Learning a technical or soft skill, in the rope community or not, allows us to continue to evolve. You can’t get better if you think you are the best. Learning something new is hard, humbling, and puts our ego in check. If rope brought you Into this community, try to learn something different like fire play, or knife play,  wax play, or how to target with a single tail. Stepping out of our comfort zone to learn something new or be open to constructive criticism and even failure is the embodiment of getting out of our comfort zone which will only make us better people.


  1. Getting out of your own head.
    If ego is confidence, it can get in the way of our ability to learn and make positive decisions. Ego tells us the world is looking at us. In our social media driven society,  read ‘fetlife, Twitter, instagram’ , where the more “likes/loves” we get the more important we feel, it’s easy to be paralyzed by your next decision. Ever heard of “K&P”? Are we too concerned about how many “loves” and views our posts, photos, blog, podcasts or whatever,  get; to live in the now? Are we too in love with the vision of our self that prevents us from what we need to do? To make the necessary decisions & sacrifices to reach our goals?


  1. Hard Work.
    While we should always be cognizant of the difference between being busy and work, there is no substitute for hard work. Work doesn’t end once we get our first big break (being asked to perform,  or teach, or travel or whatever); some might say that’s when the real work starts. Ego is what counts the hours & effort we’ve put into something and asks “hey, hey, when am I going to see the fruits of our labor.”  This journey, if you are serious about it, is a lifelong journey whose light cannot dim once we achieved some success; there, right there, is where we fall in to the grip of ego.


I never recognized the roadblock described above as a symptom of my own arrogance. In fact, like a lot of people I work really hard to build my confidence and believe that I can actually be successful. But in my own self-reflection, I realized much of that might be holding me back from accomplishing my goals and doing bigger things. What has been your experience walking the thin line of earned confidence and ego? How do you know when you’re being confident or arrogant?

Individual egos vary wildly.  With that, the approach to how we leverage our ego varies wildly, too. When experiencing a roadblock to what’s “next,” and there is no real black or white reasoning as to why, perhaps a review of these five elements can help determine if your ego is getting in your way.


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A random conversation

A month or so ago I was having a text conversation with someone new to rope about moments, moods, and personal full filament.

Here is a excerpt from the text conversation of course it’s not the whole conversation and I have taken out the names, I just think it’s interesting and could start some conversation:

….. However it’s not ‘the’ or ‘my’ mood that matters, it’s the moment….imagine a scene… There are two people, two moods…. What If one is the sensual suffering and the other is hard, and fast and destructive…. Or vice versa…. Only one person gets fulfilled…. The other is left wanting… Imho the moment should determine the mood and corse, sometimes the moment will be consuming, hard, fast, and sadistic. Sometimes a more sensual tone with softer more loving touch & relaxed mood will make the moment special……..

….. Some days you want to be told and affirmed how amazing, strong, and beautiful you are….. And some days you want to be under boot, called dirty and told that I can smell the juices running down your leg….. It’s all about moments……

/end ramble thought/


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YouTube University

Over the last few months we have used the term ‘YouTube University’ , but what exactly is it that we are talking about?

I’ve been going over in my head what that actually means and I think I maybe presenting it in the wrong way. So let’s talk about it.

First I use YouTube as a catch all for Internet video sites, kind of like kleenex is just one type of tissue or windex is one type of glass cleaner.

YouTube is a social media site for videos, and they have videos for everything, I mean everything, there is not much you can’t find on YouTube, from changing the battery in your key fob, removing the engine of your car, how to make slime, and even how to pop zits if that’s your thing. It’s only natural that some rope would end up there.

There are performance videos, instructional videos, rope making videos, rope handling videos, videos on how to care for Rope, how to store it….. And on, and on, and on. It’s the tutorial videos that I want to talk about.

Tutorial videos, do two things very very well. They show patterns & they show fundamentals. They can walk you through almost every pattern imaginable. They can help you remember parts of patterns that you are having problems with. From single column ties, to karadas, to hip harnesses, chest harnesses, and everything in between, in just about any ‘style’ you like, but here’s the thing, that’s all they can do. They can not tell you the “story” of the tie, they can’t tell you the tension of the tie, they can’t tell you ‘ for the person you are tieing this needs to go here, and be tensioned like this”, or lets work on how you are moving your hands through here to make it more efficient or effective, or here are some was to get a reaction from this part or change the feeling or mood, they can’t tell you “here don’t just turn your rope fold it.”, they can’t ‘check’ what you are doing or how you are executing the pattern or tie. They can’t tell you all the little, and sometimes not so little, things that make the tie or pattern what it is.

The only way to get the rest of the information, is face to face with a person.

There in lies the one of the problems. Not everyone who has an interest in what it is that we do has access to, face to face, or hands on instruction. This could be for any number of reasons, time, finances, geographical location, what ever, if you are only using freely available videos from YouTube (or other places), you are only getting ‘half’ the information.

That leads to what is the biggest problem, in my opinion. The increase in video tutorials, from people who have only ‘learned’, from video tutorials. I see these all over, some are easy to spot and some are not, but there is an ever increasing number of people putting out videos or picture tutorials on patterns or suspension, that have only half the story, so to speak. So because they have tied the pattern and followed the video a hundred times, because they have done it a hundred times at home with their partner and not killed them, because someone at their local play space or party tells them ‘ wow that’s pretty’ , they make a video on how to do it, some even say this is ‘the one and only twue way’ to execute whatever it is that they are doing.

That is YouTube University, that is where the danger comes in.

What we do can be very dangerous, injuries happen, just because they haven’t happened to you yet doesn’t mean that they won’t. The things that people from YouTube University are showing ‘may’ be fantastic things, and they ‘may’ have some good information in them, but they are right and specific to that person, or that model at that time on that day. It does not mean it will work for you and your partner on a different day at a different time, under different conditions, it may even lead to an injury, even if you copy exactly what they did.

I have seen a self tie Karada video that starts with a larks head around the neck

I’m not saying that I know the one twue way, or that you have to be able to name drop all of the people that you have had lessons with, or who you are the student of to be able to tie, or even just to have fun with rope. What I am saying is put in the effort to get the whole story, find someone with more experience, and ask questions (never stop asking questions), find other means to learn, be it books, workshops, private lessons anything other than just videos.

In general I’m not against tutorial videos, the things they do well, they do well, but please don’t let that be the end of your journey, don’t believe that everyone on YouTube knows best and that you will be OK or a professional if you just follow some videos on the interwebs.

P. S. Yukinaga Max has a great writing about his tutorial videos here you should check it out.

” yeah I can do that, I just saw a video online, stand over here I’ll show you, also did you know…. Everything on Facebook is true, they wouldn’t let you put it up there if it wasn’t”